Mummy on the Edge - FamiliesNW Mag - September October 2009

The knowledge of everything I did not achieve this summer is pricking the very soul of my being. Not least in the garden. If I stand still for 30 seconds I will be suffocated in bindweed. The runner beans are a feast for the slugs. And the courgette we planted inappropriately in a little hanging basket is producing many pretty flowers (which I should be stuffing with Mini Mars Bars, coating in batter and deep frying to outdo both Nigella and Jamie in one fell swoop) but perplexingly, no courgettes. This is what you get when you plonk stuff anywhere without the associated necessary labour: A big, fat, green, mess. And a mysterious crack - wide and gaping enough to swallow all the wads of cash that it will probably take to diagnose and fix - in the concrete outside the shed...

One beautiful Sunday morning, I decided that Mini-Me and I would tackle the garden and make them look… less disastrous. I would pull and she would dump, to the rhythm of next door’s intrusive “BOOM BOOM” base, punctuated by frightening rottweiller growls to keep us on our toes. And then it dawned on me. We’ve “tried and tried again” and “made things fun to get things done”. What a perfect day to teach Mini-Me another valuable life lesson: “When it’s all too much to deal with, one must simply run away.” And so we did.

“Yey mummy! I’m so excited! We’re going to the seaside!” It was 12.30 by the time I had located the bucket and spade, twice told Mini-Me not to get too excited (kind preparation for likely let-down) Googled the nearest bit of seaside to Northwest London (Canvey Island) and filled up plastic bottles with filtered water. Child-Nav sat in the back, reading aloud from the journey planner I had printed off theAA.com (“Take the second exit off the roundabout signposted: Oh... sorry, Mummy”) and we got there by 2.30 to find a thin concrete strip covered in semi-naked bodies, a steep bumpy slope and sea. No sand. The tide was high. We walked down this disappointing promenade until we found a handkerchief-sized patch of crumbled shells and set up camp for 2 hours. I had promised Mini-Me that we would go to the seaside during the holidays. And now that she would be starting 3 weeks of Drama, Sports and Music Camp run by Hertsmere Play services (just 50 quid a week with experts drafted in) I could relax in the knowledge that I had fulfilled my promise.

***

Closer to home, last Saturday, I took Mini-Me to Wood Lane for a CBBC tour! We were shown around by Louisa and Richard, jolly, happy acting types – who remarkably remembered all the children’s names and ensured each had a turn at “taking part”. Mini-Me took charge of the sound buttons in a mock-up of a Weakest Link studio, generating applause, groans and quiz show boings at will as well as seamlessly performing a voice over: “Next on CBBC…” etc. While another little girl controlled the studio lighting and touched a screen to select clips, the rest were in front of the camera answering questions and reading from the autocue. Mini-me dressed up as a hobbit in a pretend “Raven” game show (actually, I’ve no idea if that’s right – I’ve never watched it personally – but it was some sort of brown cloak and she was supposed to threaten to eat children, I think). As I sat on the bench in the Sunken Garden in front of dear old Shep’s statue, I wondered at how tiny the Blue Peter garden is compared to how it looks on telly! We now know why - because they use a wide angle lens to film it. We visited some rather posh looking dressing rooms that Take That had been in (at some point in the near to distant past). And looked down from the heights of the hundreds of heavy lights shining upon the studio of Eggheads. If we could go again I would choose a weekday rather than a Saturday as we didn’t see any kiddies programmes actually being filmed. It was very quiet and my secret desire of seducing Adrian Chiles in the BBC canteen went unfulfilled. But none of that made any difference to Mini-Me who thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. I think she may finally have found an alternative career goal to being a Sing and Sign teacher, like mummy.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

MUMMY ON THE EDGE Families NW Mag – July/ August ‘09

As dark clouds threaten tropical storms, Angelina threatens Barbequeage. And Mini-Me gets freaked out by Macbeth.

I have never attempted barbequeage on my own. But the thought of taking little breaks from trying to master Mini-me’s Rock’n’Hopper on the grass to turn and thus prevent burning garlicky, marinated stuff is kind of appealing in a paper-plates-and-fingers, screw-the-washing-up way. As long as it’s not for loads of people which would cause an unnecessary case of AHAA! - Angelina’s Hosting Anxiety Attack. Unfortunately the marital barbeque, having been mistreated and neglected for years had to be thrown away (actually, I overtook a precariously-laden gypsy salvage truck down Little Bushey Lane, gesticulating furiously to lead it to my house to collect the item). I was just suggesting to Mini-Me that we pop down to Lidl to see if the five pound jobbie they were flogging in February (the right size for one and a half portions of skewered prawns) was still there, when my friend phoned me and asked me if I wanted her beautiful big gas barbeque, with hinged cover and… gasp… SHELVES, since she was buying another. Yippee! Talk about a cosmic order being fulfilled. On the other hand, looks like I will not be able to avoid suffering from AHAA this summer after all.

I have now promised my gaggle of nieces and nephews- 3 of them doing their GCSE’s and A Levels and one on holiday from university Astrophysics - that I will throw them a barbeque party in return for the serious babysitting, bike riding, swimming, baking and tutoring I am expecting from them for Mini-Me throughout the next two months. January four years ago, I sat the three nieces aged 12-14 round my dining table and they sorted out 18 months worth of business receipts into piles so that I could complete my tax return on time. They were efficient, competent and quick. I’m thinking this summer, a few garlic prawn skewers will go a long way…

So this being predicted the summer of summers (not inconceivable considering the soggy state of the last two), I have been sourcing outdoorsy, cultural things to do with Mini-Me. The Scoop at More London is a great outdoor space, adjacent to the General London Assembly building (perfect for Boris-spotting) and I found out the Pantaloon theatre company (well worth contacting them for a workshop if your school has a surplus of PTA money) were presenting a free performance of Romeo and Juliet. We went one warm sunshiney evening and enjoyed the show which featured music, comedy and audience participation. The narrator asked children to raise their hands to answer “What sort of things do you think that Juliet could have done in her situation?” not expecting seven-year-old Mini-Me to cut to the chase and answer “She could have killed herself!” The problem is, she knew the ending because for Christmas I got her “The Shakespeare Stories” retold for children by Andrew Matthews. They may be a bit much for her. She climbed into my bed one evening, half way through Macbeth saying it had “freaked me out”. As she epitomized so eruditely, “There’s a lot of killing, marrying and kissing in Shakespeare, Mummy”.

If you fancy a bit of theatre in the park, you could catch Peter Pan at Kensington Gardens (until 30^th August). I’ve heard it’s a truly magical production with 360 degree projection and no risk of rain spoiling the fun. Or if want to introduce your Mini to Shakespeare, but don’t fancy trekking into town, Illyria is presenting A Midsummer Night’s Dream within the verdant grounds of Harrow Museum on the 8^th July. You can bring a picnic and make an evening of it. It’s a lovely setting. Mini-me and I went to Harrow Museum on Sunday and discovered they have live jazz, blues or swing in the Tithe Barn every week from 12.15 – 12.45. Perfect for a rainy day or a sunny one. And a great opportunity to get up close and watch real instruments being played or just to have a bit of a boogie with your babies, big and small.

When we left, it was still sunny, so we drove 10 minutes to Roxbourne Park to get some fresh air on the Miniature Railway. It’s really very charming and run by dear old railway enthusiasts wearing smart caps and clipping tickets with authentic equipment. They have an open day coming up on the 30^th August when there will be more trains on show from other organisations plus model boats. More info at www.hwsme.org.uk. Chuff chuff toot toot! Forsooth ‘tis chucking it down outside. I must tarry not and get me hence to fetch the clothes in. Or something…

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

A Taste of the WI-Life (Families Mag Nov/ Dec 2009 I think)

A TASTE OF THE WI-LIFE.

By Angelina Melwani

Coccooned in a brown, luxuriantly flock-walled and chandeliered private room upstairs in a gastropub in Kilburn, 8 or 9 stylish women in their late 20s to early 30s are seated around a talkative, fair-haired man dressed top-to-toe in black who looks like a cross between Graham Norton and Paul Burrell. On the table before him is an assortment of day-glo plastic containers, shiny jewel-coloured serving bowls and ergonomic kitchen implements. Every so often he lifts one up and caresses it lovingly, demonstrating some clever little hidden facet, to some “Ooh”s and fascinated “Wow”s.

It’s a Tupperware party. It’s hosted by the North West London Women’s Institute. And to their credit, they have secured Graham Burrell (real name Andrew Humphrey), the only male Tupperware agent in the country.

Now Tupperware may not be your bag, but this young branch of the WI has, in its mere 18 months of existence been quite active and creative with the themes of their monthly meetings. They’ve had Poker Night (using Haribos instead of money); Wine Tasting (after which they took home spare bottles); learned tips from a Make-Up Consultant; enjoyed a talk on the Suffragettes; had their eyes opened by a visit from Anna Span (if you don’t know who she is, you’ll have to Google her as it would be inappropriate to comment further within these hallowed, child-friendly pages); as well as a night brilliantly coined “Pimp my supermarket flowers” – all about how to make supermarket flowers look posh; to more pedestrian entertainment pursuits such as just going out with their husbands and partners to a bar. And they are open to new ideas. And new members.

So why join the WI? Georgina Sneddon, the president of the North West London branch says, “I love the sense of community and giving back to the community through helping local organisations and events.

“Everyone’s backgrounds are so diverse. If you go to yoga class, you are likely to meet someone with very similar interests as you, but if you come to the WI you will really meet a whole variety of completely different people from your local area, which appeals to me. It’s a wonderful way to make friends and when I leave a meeting I always think: Ah, what a lovely bunch of people.”

Georgina has an insight into the history of the WI; her mother was the president of her own group and as a girl, she would sometimes accompany her to meetings.

“The Women’s Institute was formed in 1915 with two clear aims: to revitalise rural communities and to encourage women to become more involved in producing food during the First World War. Since then, their aims have broadened and they are now the largest women’s organisation in the UK with currently 205,000 members in 6,500 WIs.”

Their aims are indeed broad. Today, the WI wields strong socio-political influence and they campaign with fervour on issues - democratically selected by vote - that matter to women and their communities, including equal pay in 1942, Breast Cancer Screening in 1975 and, in 2006, they held a Packaging Day of Action which saw WI members throughout the country return unnecessary and excessive food packaging to supermarkets. Today, their focuses range from climate change and food waste to ending violence against women and they are members of the Children’s Food Campaign.

The Women’s Institute prides itself on its diversity of backgrounds and ages. Its whole ethos is centred around learning from each other, young from old and old from young, developing and passing on new skills along the way. Quite simply, its aim is to enable women “to make a difference - to the life you lead, to the community you're a part of and to the world you live in.” Highly relevant and never more pertinent, than in these uncertain times.

Georgina says, “We’re the new brand of the WI. It’s not about jam and Jerusalem. We meet in the pub and it’s a real laugh. We’re really inclusive and if you’re interested, you can just come along for a meeting or two and see if you like it.”

Quotes to highlight/ put in boxes:

Kylie, 31, from Kentish Town. “Joining the WI is a great way to meet different people out of my normal social circle. My friends might not want to go to an art gallery or wherever but I can meet people locally that are interested in trying new and interesting things.”

Rachel, 35, from Kilburn. “I’ve made friends in my local area. It’s nice to be able to pick up the phone and call someone to meet for coffee or go shopping with. I also really was attracted to the cooking, sewing and craft side of things. I think a lot of women are going back to that now and it has wide appeal.”

Info box:

Meetings are from 7.15 -9.30pm on the second Tuesday of the month in the North London Tavern, 375 Kilburn High Rd, NW6 7QB. If you decide to join, membership is £29.00, which entitles you to 11 monthly meetings and a subscription to WI Life Magazine. The North West London WI will be doing their thing for the local community at the Kilburn Festival at Grange Park, Kilburn, 12^th July (www.kilburnfestival.co.uk). For more information e-mail NWLWI@hotmail.co.uk. Or visit www.myspace.com/northwestlondonwi or their Facebook group “North West London WI”. For more information on the Women’s Institute and how to locate or set up your own local group visit www.thewi.org.uk.

Mummy on the Edge FamiliesNW Magazine May/June 2009

Angelina and Mini-Me defeat Pushy Mum - and live to tell the tale.

Being too indecisive of mind to select a show and book it in advance, but being of definite mind to take Mini-Me to a proper grown up West End theatre to watch anything vaguely suitable during the school holidays, and being of pocket insufficiently deep to pay full whack, I awoke one Wednesday morning with the cold intent of a woman on a mission. “Hurry UP! Brush your TEETH! We have to leave NOW!!!” Half an hour later we were entering Brent Cross, eyes scanning for the holy grail of the Half Price Ticket Booth, which at 10.30am had been open for half an hour already. We were halted in our tracks by a huge banner advertising open auditions for “Annie” the musical. Bewitching visions of grinning little Asian Mini-Me in a ginger afro began to dance in my head. “Wanna do this?” I asked her with a half-crazed and hungry twitch in my eye (– it really wasn’t a question.) Before she could emphatically declare “No way, mummy!” my fingers were grasping for my mobile, dialling the number on the poster. It was the last day of auditions. It was FATE. The kind of story X-Factor always focuses on. Adorable child living with hardworking and responsible single parent (baby signing teacher – pillar of the community – or something) happens upon audition by accident, wows judges by singing her little heart out, wins! Fade up “I believe I can fly” music. Everyone weeps happy tears. The end… of childhood as we know it. Thank goodness I awoke from this mad reverie, just as we reached the Ticket Booth (which is actually not a booth but in fact a large desk in the middle of the shopping centre, upstairs – just so you know). Of course it also helped that I also figured out that the audition was organised by The Make Believe Theatre School in Edgeware (www.makebelievegroup.co.uk). Presumably, if she got through, it would involve more shelling out by said hardworking and responsible single parent. In a huff, pushy mother flicked her make believe feather boa around her neck and retreated stroppily back into her make believe dressing room, leaving Mummy on the Edge free to buy same-day half-price tickets to one of the last performances of The Sound of Music. Of course, Mini-Me was too busy with her nose pressed on the gallery glass watching the brave little auditionees below to know what I was up to, so when I squatted in front of her and told her where we were going, I ended up on the floor as she flung her arms around me in gratitude. I didn’t mind.

***

In our continued quest to find all that is great, good and unsung for kids in North West London, a visit to Brent Museum was long overdue. It was the perfect day for it, grey, damp and miserable, so with friends, Mini-Me and I hopped on the Jubilee line a few short stops to Willesden Green to partake in Ancient Egyptian Animal Modelling. On display was the impressive-ish Gayer-Anderson Cat, on loan from the British Museum, as well as feedback cards filled in by kids with comments ranging from the earnest “Thank you for bringing this amazing artefact to Brent” to the sweet-but-entirely-missing-the-point, “I love cats. Cats rule”. Not to mention a sleepy and bored-looking security guard. But I don’t think he was part of the exhibition. We learned that animals were worshipped as gods and kept as pets in Ancient Egypt and every animal was significant in its own way. And then we chose an animal to model out of squishy, spongy stuff. The “Divine Cat” theme runs until 10 May if you want to catch it. The summer exhibition will focus on contemporary art from India and the museum runs drop in family events every Wednesday during Summer and Easter school holidays and every half term. The summer workshops will explore the Indian Art theme through creative craft such as puppet making. For more information contact Louise Lamming, Learning Officer on 020 8937 3602 or email louise.lamming@brent.gov.uk. Walking back to the station, our works of art precariously balanced in our fingertips, we found we were gasping for a cup of tea (there’s no café at the Museum) and our Minis were hungry, so the seven of us (including two jackals and a blue hippo who had insisted on chaperoning us home) trudged into “Orangeflex” café. I expected weak tea and cardboard cake. However, Mini-Me and her friend enjoyed tall strawberry milkshakes, made there and then by a smiley lady using frozen strawberries and she told me it was delicious. Us grown ups shared a large slab of the moistest, yummiest carrot cake I’ve had in a long time and a soothing cup of tea. The kids happily sat on the bouncy red sofa and gossiped while we sat at an adjacent table and did the same. Bliss.

Brent Museum – Willesden Green Library Centre 95 High Road Willesden Green NW10 2SF

“Orangeflex” café - 68 Walm Lane, around the corner from Willesden Green Tube

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

Mummy on the Edge - FamiliesNW Magazine March/ April 09

Angelina and Mini-me discover E-bay and Evolution.

Mini-Me and I have gently forayed into the realm of ebay. It’s quite wonderful, really, and easy enough, even for us. I sold her ballet shoes for a few quid (hopefully to someone who needed and appreciated the bargain) and am in the process of selling her old coat. I sold a hideous and unworn designer jumper for £10! And that £10 buys me two pretty, carved-wood framed mirrors. I bought a sturdy keyboard stand for £3 and collected it after my classes in Harrow so no delivery fee. I’m still dropping off to the charity shop - they need it - but sometimes I need to leave the gaps longer, as Mini-Me is annoyed to spot some of her things on the shelves! If you haven’t already heard of it, it’s worth looking into your local Freeecycle website (just search on the net as all the areas have are different addresses). Admittedly, sometimes there are just bizarre items on offer such as cat food samples and used shampoos, but you also get baby equipment and furniture quite a lot, posted by people who haven’t the time or inclination to sell. Useful if your family is growing and money is tight. People collect all types of stuff, too, so if you have stuff to get rid of, even if it’s broken (just always be honest!) saving your stuff from landfill is the way forward for our children’s environment. There are certain safety precautions you should take (like not being alone when people come to collect) which are detailed when you join.

***

Mini stayed up with me watching a programme on Charles Darwin hosted by David Attenborough to mark the 200^th anniversary of his birth (– Darwin, not Attenborough). You can watch a clip featuring an animated explanation of the Tree of Life at www.wellcometreeoflife.org. It proved to be as exciting and absorbing as the slightly less cerebral Come Dine With Me, which is another favourite. Featuring fossils and missing links between species as proof of evolution, some of it went over my head but, happily, lots entered the jumbled soup of knowledge I had previously poured into hers. We had gone last year to the Welcome Institute in Euston which has an exhibit showing the gradual evolution of fish into man - via lizard, ape and everything else - which she actually remembered (so the exhibition wasn’t just a bridge to Pizza Express for her). To continue the theme, I decide to take her round the corner to Bushey Museum (which we had, shamefully, never been to before) to see their latest kids feature: Age of the Dinosaur. Once she had got over the near hysterical shock elicited by seeing a 100 year old photograph of her school (half laughing half crying, “Mummy, my school! I can’t believe it! I recognize the windows!!”) we made our way up the stairs to see fossils up close and play with interactive displays. Mini-Me used a brush to seek out “real” fossils in the sand, just like on Fossil Detectives on the telly. We found out the differences between body shapes of herbivores, carnivores and omnivores and even saw a model of a hatching dinosoaur egg. Mini-me was engaged by the whole thing and I’m half considering going back to the charity shop and buying back her annoying plastic dinosaurs if they haven’t been snapped up already. Mind you, maybe it’s not necessary because she witnesses a fossil turn into a live dinosaur every morning when I get out of bed…

***

If your kids, like my Mini-Me, are interested in all things science you should look into Mad Science classes and activities which currently run in Rickmansworth, Bushey, Northwood, Radlett and other areas. Mini-Me and her friends really enjoy the day camps that run at her school (when I’m organised enough to book them!). The staff are really friendly, they all have funny scientific monikers (Super Sian, Cosmic Kate etc) and they make science accessible and fun. They even do birthday parties. More info can by found by contacting kid.science@virgin.net or visit madscience.org/east. Want to continue the good work at home? I found an internet site called ilovebacteria.com which boasts answers to those difficult questions our kids ask us, experiments you can do at home as well as a careers section for older ones considering their options in the field of science.

Now I’m donning my rubber gloves and protective eyewear so that I can conduct my own science experiment: clearing my blocked sink - yucks.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

Mummy on the Edge, Jan/ Feb 09

Mini-me goes historical while her mother is simply hysterical.

Mini-Me’s specialist subject may turn out to be History. Her class has been studying The Great Fire of London and she has, more than once, at various random times - but never when actually asked - recounted the whole story, from where and how it started, to its eventual containment. In her classroom, I read first-person imagined accounts of the Fire. I was not a little freaked out. All the “crackles” and “screams” and “smoke”. Can our little 7 year olds cope with all that? Evidently, yes. Can I? Nope.

Year 2 also went on an exciting expedition to the Florence Nightingale Museum, opposite the Houses of Parliament (- so far away from home!) where an actress playing the lady herself answered questions and brought the whole period to life. Mini-Me was ill at home the following week, so during one of her paracetamolic highs, I made her write a report (being evil Mummy on the edge) on her trip using a sunshine diagram. Looks more like a spider, with the main theme in the blobby middle bit, and any disparate details she could remember scrawled around it like legs. Genius idea, I have to say. Here is the resulting closing paragraph: “We saw pictures of soldiers being dragged to a hospital on a hill that was 3D. I loved it because we had fun!”

One recent TV news item featured the story of a woman who came to this country from Germany as child evacuee during World War 2 and it made me sob hysterically over my lunch as she described how she waved goodbye to her mother and father from the train alongside so many other little children, watching their parents getting smaller and smaller as they waved their handkerchiefs; not knowing then that she would never ever see them again. Even now, as I close my eyes and imagine living through the horror of that situation, it makes my stomach lurch and my heart hurt, and I feel like running upstairs and planting yet another goodnight kiss on Mini-me’s forehead while she sleeps. The subject of the interview never forgot how difficult it was growing up in an alien environment and her unique perspective has brought her to work with non-English speaking children of families who have sought asylum in Brent. That made me cry, even when I was telling Mini-Me about it.

TV’s “Evacuees Reunited”, all about the children evacuated from South East England (not really knowing why or what was going on) and the effect it had on their later lives, was also extremely moving and heart wrenching. I have saved it on my freeview box to watch with Mini-Me in the next few weeks. Hopefully, I won’t sob again having prepared myself. If you missed it, you can catch it online until the second week of January on www.itv.com/catchup. It’s a source of first-hand accounts and feelings that brings this relatively recent history alive for our kids and somehow I think it will help Mini-Me when she comes to learn about this period at school.

This next couple of months we plan to explore the local museum scene. There is so much quality stuff a stone’s throw (or a 20 minute car ride) away. There are few sights as fascinating as looking at photograph of an area you know well taken decades and decades and even a century ago, but that simply scrapes the surface of what’s available to our info-hungry Minis.

Following our historical/ hysterical theme, the 1940’s house based in the Lincolnsfield Centre, in Bushey (www.fortiesexperience.co.uk), is our first stop. Not only is it perfectly furnished in painstaking period detail, but they also feature re-enactors to animate what life was really like at that time. We are looking forward to discovering 40s food, toys, and even the fearsome sound of air raid sirens! Check the website for details on The Forties Family Experience Weekend in April – it looks like good fun.

The RAF Museum in Colindale puts a spin on the usual smaltz we are bombarded with at Valentine’s Day by focusing on love letters sent between soldiers and their sweethearts during WW2. I’m expecting a mix of tragic and uplifting stories. There are make and do activities for kids to tie in with the exhibition.

Don’t worry, I’ll bring extra tissues.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

Mummy on the Edge Families NW Magazine Nov/Dec 2008

November/ December 08

Mummy on the Edge

Angelina and Mini-Me are seasonally confused and spiritually renewed.

Something is weird in the state of Angelina and it pleases me to blame the Large Hadron Collider.

We’ve obviously all jumped to a parallel universe. I began sleeping in a thick woollen cardigan in August so by now it’s actually springtime in my head. Therefore I have been gripped with a new-found zeal for cleanliness and have been industriously nuking my sponges in the microwave, scanning the fridge for any whiff-emitting pathogens and devising mnemonics to help Mini-Me avoid the fate of turning out just like her mother. The latest? ABCDE. This is to help her keep her room tidy and I’m pleased to report that it has worked. “No way!!” I hear you cry. Way. We tell our children to go tidy their rooms – but they don’t know how. It is a mammoth task and it is overwhelming when you don’t know where to begin – especially if you are small and have lots of Stuff. So, this is how it goes: A- Animals (cuddly toys), B-Books and make Bed, C-Clothes, D-Dust – E-Everything Else! (Okay, I got sidetracked with an article on Sarah Palin by the time I got to E – those maverick hockey mums, dontcha jus’ love ‘em). I explained this method, Mini-Me executed it 3 days in a row and then the House Fairy paid her a visit leaving a note and a shiny blue hoola hoop on her bed! Such a bedimpled grin you never did see! “Thank you for buying me a hoola hoop, Mummy!” “Me??” “House Fairy can’t go shopping, Mummy, she’s a fairy!” Duh!

If you want to do it properly, go to www.housefairy.org. I’m just improvising but I intend on subscribing soon. Just waiting for these couple of months to pass until it’s the Summer Holidays again. Doh! I also got hold of some proper ostrich-feather dusters in me and Mini-Me sizes and they actually work and make dusting fun. Yes, really! We dust and then shake them outside to release the dust. For Mini-Me’s added amusement I favour singing the head-banging bit from Bohemian Rhapsody while doing this; it’s really very effective. (For stockists visit www.ofdc.co.uk)

So I have yet to think of something memorable for myself to keep the place tidy and anyway, the alphabet is not long enough for my list of things to do. See, the aim every year has been to Clean And Tidy My House And My Accounts Before Diwali which is traditionally a time when you invite the Goddess of prosperity into your pristine home for a Hindu high-five in recognition of your salutary efforts. My own efforts appear to have solicited simply a single finger rather than a whole hand and I wasn’t sure I could do any better this year. I needed extra credit; spiritual insurance if you will.

So I packaged Mini-Me in her Sai School of Harrow uniform and dispatched her onto the stage of Trafalgar Square no less, to participate in the Mayor of London’s Diwali Celebration in front of squillions of people. This free Saturday school (www.saischool.com) staffed entirely by volunteers, serves 550 children and promotes values such as truth, non-violence, right conduct, love and peace as well as an appreciation and respect of all faiths. Its pupils are a yearly feature at the Diwali Celebrations in Trafalgar Square and its students have won many accolades and even performed in front of her Maj the Queen herself! Initially, Mini-Me was unsure about the prospect of standing on a stage in front of a thronging crowd singing a Diwali song. But I had spent 5 Saturdays watching the endearingly shambolic rehearsals and the morning of the performance I had played the cd of the song her group was going to perform 20 times (I am still singing it as I write this!) I had also fleetingly daydreamed about posting pictures on Facebook of her sharing a joke with Boris Johnson. As we approached the artiste’s entrance to the stage which was located beneath Nelson’s Column, Mini-Me looked skyward, eyebrows knitted, and made her warbling oo-er noises. I assured her that Nelson’s Column was not wobbling as she thought it was, it was just the clouds flying past really fast because they were excited. In the end, all it took was a minor mishap to dispel nerves and induce fitfull giggle-singing, with a prop falling to the floor in the middle of the performance. All was well and I leeched some spiritual credit from Mini-Me.

High-Five and Merry Christmas! I’m off to dust the baubles to the tune of St Elmo’s Fire.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

Mummy on the Edge. Families NW Magazine Sep/ Oct 2008

September/ October 08

Mummy on the Edge

Angelina and Mini-Me get green-fingered.

The job of preventing six-year-old Mini-Me from picking up my environmental and financial neuroses is getting increasingly trickier. She is, after all, actually a mini version of me and when I was her age I was very seriously worried about the ice-age that was about to envelope our planet. I had become aware of this impending doom after viewing an adult documentary thanks to complete non-vetting of television viewing by my parents. (Don’t ask about the long-term effects of watching the Nostradamus predictions when I was 9 – that man has a whole childhood of anxiety to answer for!) Nowadays, in the media, it is virtually impossible to avoid the vacuous and lazy discussions tenuously linked to the “Credit Crunch”. “What’s that, mummy?” “It’s a brand new cereal filled with a tasty blend of oatflakes hazelnuts and sultanas,” I answer without batting an eyelid. “Are you being sarcastic, mummy?” “Yes, Darling”.

So, in the shadow of global ecological disaster and the energy crisis, and cowering under my overdraft (all fun and games isn’t it?) I have morphed into some sort of Noughties’ single-parent version of Barbara Goode. No, I’m not keeping pigs in the shed (yet). Mini-Me and I went to Jacques Amand Nurseries in Clamp Hill, Stanmore. They support the Shaw Trust (a national charity that provides training and work opportunities for disadvantaged people) so you find that many of the plants on site have been planted and looked after by someone who has really needed the opportunity to learn a new skill and achieve something. They also have really good sales periodically and all the bulbs etc are provided by Jacques Amand who are world-renowned bulb specialists. (call The Shaw Trust at Clamp Hill Nursery on 020 8954 4287 to find out when the next sale is). Overladen, staggering to and from the car to the house like some gold-sandaled tree nymph, Mini-Me helped me carry armfuls of tomato, hostas and bedding plants, then helped me fill our hanging baskets. At time of writing, they are not quite the dizzying cascade of vivid hues that I promised her. But they will do.

We also picked up many cheap packets of seeds from Lidl - where they are cheap-cheap-cheap but it is perhaps a false economy because I haven’t yet curbed my addiction to purchasing random items of pseudo-usefulness (example: over-door hooks that fit not one door in my house). There’s little I can think of that’s more joyful to a six year old (apart from an “Intendo DS”, of course) than the sight of little green shoots pointing up from seemingly barren soil after plonking some seeds in and forgetting about them. Especially when she has been reading Frances Hodgson Burnett’s “The Secret Garden” (highly recommended). As well as tomatoes, we planted cucumber, courgettes, onions, beans and broccoli and I’m sure it’s the wrong time for most of them but hopefully there will be some sort of baby vegetable to slap between two slices of bread before too long. After we had planted everything, Mini-Me getting really excited and mucky, I found this website, thegardenerscalendar.co.uk which details what you should be doing in the garden at any given time of the year. It appears that it’s never too late to start your own little pot or patch of flowers and edibles and right now is great for sowing spring bulbs, some types of oriental leaves, garlic and onions.

It’s September already but hopefully, we still have some late autumnal days of sunshiney enjoyment left, surveying the fruits of our haphazard labour, as we breakfast on our lovely teak patio dining set, (bought for £20 second-hand via the net – worra satisfying bargain). We pretend we are on holiday beneath the red parasol, ignoring the sound of next door’s rotweiller snarling at us from the other side of the fence (peace be with them). And then we gather our towels (Mini-Me’s book bag) and take a leisurely stroll to the beach (walk to school). This term, in another attempt to help save the world and get fit at the same time, I have vowed to drag Mini-Me up the hill by walk when possible. Mini-Me is inspired by the beautiful gardens of the bungalows along our route and I tell her the elderly have so much time for watering and weeding.

Well, it’s time for this latter-day Barbara Goode (-no Tom in sight, unfortunately -) to pour herself a satisfying bowl of Credit Crunch and plan her own Harvest Festival. Happy sowing.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

Mummy on the Edge Families NW Magazine July August 2008

July August 08

Mummy on the Edge

Angelina Melwani and Mini-Me find themselves inside a figurative box of choccies and set their own boot sale challenge.

Each production at the The Little Angel Puppet Theatre is like a small box of exquisite, handmade chocolates that, once you start munching, you do not want to end. The theatre is so dark, intimate and bijou that it actually feels as though you are inside a box of chocolates! The tiered seats allow you to see how detailed and lovingly crafted the set and props are. Recently, we visited the LAPT to watch their interpretation of The Elves and the Shoemaker which is Mini-Me’s favourite fairy tale (probably because she sympathises with the impoverished Shoemaker as I’m always telling her “No, we can’t afford that!” - whatever it is). The superbly earnest and enthusiastic shoemaker acted and sweated his way through the entire hour and a half single-handedly (- well two-handedly) controlling 4 puppets plus an audience full of participating children whilst, at one point simultaneously playing about 3 musical instruments! And I thought men couldn’t multi-task… Mini-Me is still singing “Cobbler, Cobbler Mend my Shoe” word-perfectly which is great for her tightwad mother because it’s reinforcing the concept of fixing old stuff.

After the puppets, we walked down Essex Road to Giraffe, a chain restaurant whose motto is Love, Eat, Live. (Synergistic with my own: Eat, Eat, Eat.) We ate rubbery, expensive food that, heartbreakingly, I could have prepared at home for a fraction of the price (I’m such an Indian). But I’m not giving the place enough credit; the ambience inside was good and the world music truly uplifting; to the point where we barely noticed we were sitting opposite a dingy block of council flats, nor the drunken vagrants staggering past the window, waving. Mini-Me also will now never forget how to spell “giraffe”.

We ventured further, investigating the chi-chi boutiques and market stalls of Camden passage and surrounding area which looked as though someone had taken the entire contents of my mother’s, sisters’ and my wardrobes, jewellery boxes and toy chests from birth to ooh, about five years ago and transported them to these streets. It was delightfully sick-making! When we entered a shop selling period clothing from the Victorian (I think) age, it made my tummy go a little more funny and I’m not sure if it was because of the thought of real people going about their business wearing these very clothes or the stress of having to remind Mini-Me that it was okay to Look but not to Touch. After all, if something gets damaged we would have to pay for it and, as I’ve said before, “No, we can’t afford that!” Hmm. Note to self: Apply for next series of Dragon’s Den with child-sized straightjackets idea – perfect for chi-chi shopping.

***

How does that old song go? If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with, right? Well, unfortunately, it’s looking decreasingly likely that we’ll be moving into my 3-floor dream house in Maida Vale so we have entrenched ourselves in the house that we had previously decided to sell and decided to make more of an effort to love it. Yes, it is less tidy now that people aren’t coming to inspect it at random times of the day but Mini-Me and I are continuing with the disposal of Stuff at a steady rate and we will soon have enough of a pile to do another Car Boot Sale. The last one I did was scary and stressful in a netherworldly, parallel universe kind of way. Think pitch black, bleak mid-winter; 5.30 in the morning; strange alien-like beings with torches crowding around; interrogating you and fighting over stuff that you have not yet unloaded from your car as you riverdance in your wellies to keep warm. Anyway, I am cannier now. I recorded about 15 different Antique-Boot-Sale-Challenge-Anneka- type programmes and forced Mini-Me to take notes (good handwriting practise) while watching them with me. So, after the last boot sale debacle, I am prepared and will never again make the mistake of not having a table to display my wares on, not having decided prices and answering probing questions like, “What is?” and “How much?” with a panicked, “I don’t know, I’ve got a headache!!” Also, it’s Summer, man. I can take the child with me and her cute face will surely help me shift our stuff. If not, I can always poke her with a used curtain rod and make her riverdance.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com

Mummy on the Edge - Families Mag May/June 2008

May June 08

Mummy on the Edge

Angelina Melwani treads the boards and discovers Newton’s 2^nd Law.

It’s been a very busy few months for our household of two. Two weeks before my end of term and the performances of the musical I had been rehearsing for the past year or so, I lost my voice. Completely. I resorted to using a whistle to grab Mini-Me’s attention. “WHOOOOOOO!!!!! Breakfast time. WHOOOOOOO!!!! Brush your teeth WHOOOOOO!!! Pick up these books right now please.” In the absence of the ability to raise my voice, I raised my eyebrows and sometimes Mini-Me’s hair, when my eyes popped out of their sockets; I tell you, the non-verbal communication I’m always preaching to my Sing and Sign mummies and daddies reached whole new level. As did the fatigue of daily teaching, evening rehearsals and high-anxiety nights. Muteness gave way to Mariella Frostrup-like huskiness and the full use of my vocal chords eventually prevailed.

Mini-Me was insistent about coming to watch her mother on stage but the performance was very long and very late. So I took her to Willow’s Farm in St Albans in the mistaken belief that it would tire her out enough for her to want a late afternoon nap. We saw lazy piglets, little lambs, baby hamsters and fluffy chicklets. We participated in the external Easter Bunny Hunt in the freezing and biting wind and watched in disbelief as nutty parents allowed their children to dip their hands get wet, panning for gold. When my ears, nose and fingers had completely lost all sensation (Mini-me was warmly mummified), we took cover in the arena to watch a show where a woman with a West Country accent animated some farm animal puppets with her hand and made every one sing (apart from me). I wasn’t really concentrating because I was watching the flapping tent-like roof and cosmically ordering it to stay attached to the building. We ate an adequate lunch in the café and I let her run around in “Woolly Jumpers”, Willow Farm’s Piccadilly Circus-like soft play area, while I downed a coffee and watched those brave enough to freefall down the vertical slide. By the time we came back home, it was time for me to leave, utterly knackered, for the theatre. Mini-me did not actually have a nap in the end which meant that the trip to Willow’s Farm had totally defeated its purpose. The feat of staying up till 11 without grumpiness was therefore even more miraculous! Mini-me told me the next day, “Mummy when I saw you singing on stage I had happy tears.” And that gave me happy tears, too. Although treading the boards felt more like walking the plank, I wanted to do it to inspire Mini-me and make her proud of her mum. I think it worked.

***

On a rare, mild day, we ventured to the Science Museum (3 six-year olds and 2 grown-ups) to experience the recently re-vamped Launch Pad. The website’s suggested 60 minutes wasn’t enough at all. Like a camel, carrying my banana-laden handbag, 2 kiddie backpacks, 2 puffy coats, my coat and a plastic bag full of drinks and sandwiches, I marshalled them from exhibit to exhibit, methodically trying to explain how, why and what we were looking at. All the while our charges spun wheels, pressed buttons, picked up lentils from the floor of the pulley demonstration and stuffed them in their pockets, waved their hands in front of heat-sensitive cameras and vied over giant bubble wands, not listening to me AT ALL. I gave myself a headache trying to get them to imbibe some knowledge to accompany all these experiences and it felt as futile as trying to stuff a tissue into a drinking straw. That was a lesson for me and giving up (which I did, about half an hour in) was the right thing to do. After all, the whole point of the Launch Pad is to get kids involved with science, enjoy it, have fun with it and encourage them to question it; not necessarily there and then, but somewhere and at some point. We watched a twenty minute show about rockets led by a dryly comical “Explainer” (that’s what the staff are called) who exploded a tube of Pringles and dabbled with a naked flame. Exciting stuff. I whispered the answers to the questions to the children and poked them to raise their hands and answer; and volunteered to be pushed on a wheeled chair to demonstrate Newton’s 2^nd Law. The things I do for Mini-Me and her friends. What’s Newton’s 2^nd Law, I hear you ask. I’m not going to tell you, you’ll have to whiz down to Kensington with your own Mini-yous and find out yourself.

Angelina Melwani runs Sing and Sign baby signing classes in Harrow, Bushey, Stanmore and Rickmansworth. More info at www.singandsign.com