Mummy on the Edge
Families North West London
Jan/Feb 2017
It was the kind of gorgeous, sunny winter
morning that would be photographed, superimposed with a corny platitude in a
cool typeface and posted on Instagram. As we ate our hipster brunch of seeded
toast, topped with spinach, parmesan, fried egg and chilli oil, in our
sundrenched living room, my body tingled with let’s-do-somethingness and a
cloud of fomo loomed large over my
brow daring me to waste this gift of a day.
“How about a long walk,” suggested Midi-Me.
I stared at her suspiciously and continued to chew my spinach. Not usually so
enthusiastic about long-distance activity, Midi-Me had just signed up to the
Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award at school. It’s basically about trekking and plotting
a course and eating cold beans and camping overnight in the back of beyond. I
am guilty of neither lessoning nor encouraging her in this area of… I don’t
even know what it’s called… outwardboundedness?? I feel this remissness on my
part, I feel it deeply. Therefore I felt pressured to yield to her desire; my
interpretation involved a pub linner (that’s an early dinner) and going
somewhere not Bushey (where we live). “Let’s go to the Cotswolds! They’re far-ish
but near-ish aren’t they?” No sooner than Midi-Me had agreed to this, I
remembered we couldn’t leave the house till 1 as someone was coming over in the
morning.
“I think it will take too long to get to
the Cotswolds. How about the Chiltern Hills? They’re a bit nearer, I
think.” I consulted the google, looking
at all manner of council and walking websites on the way that detailed walks
with difficulty, the time they would take, and the area covered in each walk. The
walks were long. And distant.
“Erm, I think it’s going to take too long
to get to the Chilterns and we need to be back by nightfall. I need to be a
responsible mother.”
And this continued. I looked at Lea Valley,
which turned out to be further away than the Chilterns and then at Colne
Valley. The area of our theoretical walk appeared to be diminishing concentrically,
towards our house at its centre.
“I think we’re going to end up doing 3 laps
of the garden, mum,” sighed Midi-Me.
We parked at Harrow View Point on Old
Redding which is on top of a hill not far from our house and provides views
across London. I would drive Midi-Me here to look at other people’s fireworks
when she was little. It’s a place where snogging couples hang out. I’ve just
looked it up on the google and someone has put in their review “It's like a
movie scene right out of California.” Well no, not quite, but it’s no bad place
to park your car before you commence an adventure.
On my little phone I had bookmarked the two
really terrible maps I had found online of the 7km Bentley Wood Circular Walk,
which would, in 2 and a half hours take us into the woods (da-da da-da, that we have daily over fourteen years driven straight
past) from Grims Dyke down past Stanmore Hill and back past Bentley Wood High. We
role played. Midi-Me was James Bond and I was James Bond’s sidekick who he
finds out is his mother after she dies. I died pretty early on and then became
myself as I couldn’t be bothered to role play. We chatted. We marvelled at
nature. We sang Proclaimers songs. Midi Me got us to Stanmore Cricket Ground
and then I panicked as the sun started to set and insisted we abandon the map
and the woods in favour of getting back intact before darkness. To this day I
don’t understand the route we finally took. It involved roads and also dipping
back into the woods in search of shortcuts and then doubling back on ourselves
when we couldn’t find anything except impenetrable trees. I shouted a few times
(and may have stamped my foot) to make Midi-Me listen to me. (I know. I’m not
proud of that.) By the time we returned to the car it actually felt like we had
walked 5 hundred miles and 5 hundred more. But at least I redeemed myself on
the outwardboundedness front.
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